Guess What, Empty Nester? Now You Can Do Whatever You Want!

Once you become an empty nester, it’s easy to define life in terms of what you’ve lost.

As in, you’ve lost the ability to see your college student every day. Because, well, they are in college. And you are not.

And while you could go back to college yourself, and see each other again every day--

WAIT. STOP.

No, you are NOT going back to college just so you can see your kid again every day.

(Though… maybe…uh…. let’s talk more about that later.)

So yes. You define your life in terms of what you can’t do. You can’t see them every day. Which hurts. I get it.

But you know what? There’s a lot you CAN do.

Instead of thinking about what you’ve lost as an empty nester, think about what you’ve gained.

You’ve gained time, focus and freedom

You may not see it yet, but trust me. You will.

How do I know? Because I see it myself. My daughter is in college, so I have time, focus and freedom. And boy, do I appreciate it. 

The other day, I heard from some friends who still have a child under their roof. And they were talking about how they can’t even have a simple conversation without scheduling it in advance. Because their kids always need attention for something.

Me, I can have a conversation with my wife anytime I want.

In fact, there’s a whole list of things I can do now that I’m an empty nester.

And, there’s also a list of things I DON’T have to do anymore. Let’s look at a few of those…

Things you don’t have to do any more now that you’re an empty nester

• You don’t have to make a big family dinner

• You don’t have to help kids with geometry

• You don’t have to drive kids to and from school

• You don’t have to drive them to soccer tournaments three hours away

• You don’t have to stay up until 2am waiting for them to get home from a party

• You don’t have to pick them up from that party, because they’ve had too much to drink

• You don’t have to bitch about them not cleaning up their room

• You don’t have to complain about them no helping out around the house

• You don’t have to restock the fridge daily because they and their friends cleaned it out

You get the idea, right? There’s a lot you no longer have to do.

Now you might actually miss doing some of those things. Sure, when it was happening, you complained about it. But in the absence of it, well, you miss those things. You miss seeing their messy room. You miss being their shuttle service. You miss being their personal shopper.

You miss them. And again, that’s normal. 

But you may want to start adjusting your perspective. You may want to start thinking about the things you’ve gained. Because now that you’re an empty nester…. Drum roll….You can do anything you want!

Yes, for now, we’re done thinking about all the things you can’t do. Let’s focus on what you can.

Five things you can do as an empty nester

Of course there are a million things you can do, but here’s just five of the things you can do as an empty nester.

1. Travel. You can travel anytime you want. You can go anywhere you want. Any time.

This might seem like a big deal at first, but let’s rewind to when they were most recently at home, during their years in high school. Could you have just decided to head to the airport and catch a flight anywhere you wanted? Probably not. I mean, maybe they would’ve been fine. But you would’ve felt a little guilty, right.

But now? You can go anywhere. Anytime. I mean, you could fly to Vegas. Vegas baby! Or San Diego. Or maybe you want to go skiing in Park City for the weekend. Or perhaps an extended weekend in New Orleans sounds fun. Or wine tasting upstate. I mean, yes, you can do all that!

2. “Special Time.” Okay, you know what I mean, right? You’re not going to make me spell it out, are you? You know, like when a mommy and a daddy want to… Uh… basically, if you want, you can make “super happy fun time” anywhere in the house you want.

Wait, did you think by “special time,” I meant take a long, luxuriating bubble bath.

Well, yes, I did mean that. You can do that too, in addition to the Super Happy Fun Time.

But with a bath, you are most likely confined to enjoying that in the bathtub. Whereas with SHFT, you can do it anywhere you want. In any room you want. Do you get what I’m saying now??

3. Date Night. Speaking of Super Happy Fun Time, and things that lead up to it, you can have an actual date night at home. You and your spouse can have a romantic dinner, where you have a conversation about things you both want to talk about. Crazy, right?

Now maybe you already consistently enjoyed having a date night. If so, good for you. But if not, now’s your chance to begin this practice.

4. Throw a Party. Now that your house is your own again, you could also throw a party for your own friends. Again, who knew this was possible?

As parents, we’re sort of used to thinking of our home as the place where our kids and their friends hang out. But now that they are off doing their own thing, the house is yours again.

If you want to invite friends over for rosé on Bachelor Nation Monday, guess what, you can! If you want to have a bunco night on Thursday, guess what again? You can! Invite the crew over and roll those dice. It’s your turn to party.

5. Do Nothing. Yes, you heard me right. Do nothing. I mean, you are probably used to doing a TON of stuff around the house. You’ve been the cook. The cleaner. The scheduler. The coach. The therapist. The task master. The shoulder to cry on. And now? Your schedule’s a little more open.

You might be wondering. What kinds of nothing can you do? Well, besides actual nothing, meaning, just sitting there, here’s a list of other marginally-less-than-fullblown-nothings you can do.

• Read a book

• Go to the gym

• Cook something for the pleasure of it

• Go outside and take some pictures

• Watch that show Bridgerton your friends mentioned

• Buy a magazine and flip through it

• Sit by the pool

• Go to the beach on a weekday

• Go to the mall and walk around with no purpose

• Have a nice lunch with friends 

• Take a long drive anywhere you want, any day you want

• Go get your nails done

There. Do you get the idea of how much “nothing” there is to actually do?

NEXT STEPS

Look at the list above and plan one thing you could do next. Just one. Maybe it’s making plans for a weekend getaway. Having lunch with friends. Planning a date night. Whatever.

Just plan one thing and put it on your calendar. Go! Do it!

Hopefully this has expanded your awareness of all the things you can do now that your time is your own. Yes, you probably miss your college student. 

But you know who you’re getting to know better now?

You.