Plan Your Own Grad Party, Empty Nester!
Sometime in May or June, you are going to throw a party. But it’s not a party for you.
It’s a party for your newly-diploma’d high school graduate.
After 12+ years in school, they are celebrating being done. They worked hard, especially the last four years in high school. Classes, homework, sports, activities, AP exams, final assignments -- it’s all done. They did it! Time to celebrate. For them, it is.
But is it time to celebrate for you?
Some time during their grad party, or possibly the next morning when you are cleaning up, it’s going to hit you: your student graduated from high school, making you...an empty nester.
To which I say: TIME TO PARTY!
Wait, what?
If you’re like many parents, the realization that your child is about to leave the nest can hit you hard. It doesn’t feel great, honestly. I know.
That day after their grad party, it can feel like you’re the clean up crew who sweeps up the confetti after the Times Square parade for astronauts who went to the moon. It’s like you’re the crew that cleans up after your team won the Super Bowl.
They had all the fun, they celebrated, and it’s your job to...clean up?
I say no!
Now it’s your turn to celebrate
There are three reasons why you, as a soon-to-be empty nester parent, should have your own graduation party.
It gives you closure.
It changes your energy.
It reminds you what you’re capable of.
Let’s look at each of those in more detail.
1. Closure. There’s a reason the curtain goes down at the end of the Broadway play. There’s a reason why credits play after a movie (or not, if you’re watching on Netflix). The reason? Closure.
The lowering of the curtains tells us the play is o-v-e-r, OVER. It has ended. We now know it’s time to get up out of our seats and leave the theater. And in case there was any doubt, some cheeky musicals have their cast come out and sing a reprise song in which they tell you, basically, it’s over, get out!
But think about the time from your student’s graduation day until they head off to college or begin their new life away from home. Do you get closure? Probably not.
First you’ll be consumed with planning and executing their grad party. Followed by cleaning up and recovering from said party. Next you’ll likely turn your attention to getting them ready for moving into college, or finding their own place. That’s the next big target on the horizon. Chances are you’ll focus on that nonstop.
So that whole summer you may never have taken time to celebrate what you have done up to this point. You need to have a “curtain-lowering” on your efforts and accomplishments as a parent.
Having this sense of closure is important. It provides a clear marker that says that part of your life has (successfully) ended, and the next (even more exciting) phase is about to begin.
2. Changing Energy. Just as important as gaining closure is changing your own personal energy around the idea of being an empty nester. Here’s what I mean, with some word examples:
Enduring vs. Triumphing
Wallowing vs. Elation
Coping vs. Succeeding
Surviving vs. Thriving
You get the idea. You can view being an empty nester parent as being painful. And there are times it will be. And it’s okay to feel that pain, to accept it. But then you want to move on from there.
You want to move to hope. You want to find excitement. The feelings of passion and purpose have a very different energy than the woe-is-me feeling that can accompany sudden-college-student syndrome.
Having your own graduation party changes the energy around being an empty nester. You get to celebrate the job you did as a parent. You get to celebrate what you accomplished.
Think about it this way. Imagine how your body feels when you stand perfectly still. You think a slightly sad thought (like “I’m an empty nester”), and you stand perfectly still.
Now imagine standing in a Wonder Woman pose, and thrusting a triumphant fist in the air.
That’s the kind of energy changer that a party can bring you. And onto the third reason to have your own grad party…
Download Free Journal!
Wondering what to do before they leave the nest?
Check out this free BEFORE THEY GO JOURNAL, filled with 10 family activities to do before your student heads to college.
3. Reminds you who you are. Finally, a parent grad party party reminds you of what you are capable of.
There’s a moment in many super hero origin stories (with a name like Thor, you know I’ve watched a few) where the super hero seems down, maybe defeated. Becoming who they were meant to become just seems too hard. In that moment, someone comes to them and says…
“You can’t give up. You’re the person who….”
And then they remind them of something great they did. And it’s that memory that lifts them up to fight that next big battle. That’s the kind of moment I want for you.
During your party, you’ll share stories with your guests of some of your triumphant moments as a parent. You can make this a fun game, where each of your guests who’s willing will share a highlight reel moment from their parenting career.
And those kind of moments -- where you remind yourself of your greatness -- will be key for the development work you’ll do later.
Let me say too, this party isn’t celebrating them leaving home. No. it’s celebrating what YOU did.
NEXT STEPS
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to plan your own graduation party. You heard me.
Decide now that you are going to celebrate YOU.
Here’s how to have that party and what to do:
PICK A DATE. Have the party over the summer. Before your student leaves home.
PICK A THEME. Make it easy. Don’t overthink it. Rosé and gouda fits with summer.
DECIDE ON A LOCATION. Your home is as good as any place, right?
MAKE AN INVITE LIST. Invite 5-10 of your besties. Bonus points for fellow empty nesters.
SEND INVITES. Use a service like Evite, or email if you like.
ASK FOR SHARES. In the invite, ask your guests to bring one story of their own life triumph. This is not a parent triumph, but something great they have done in life. Yes, this is a party with HOMEWORK.
BEFORE THE PARTY. Do one nice thing for yourself before the party, like getting a message or mani/pedi.
DURING THE PARTY.
After wine drinking and cheese eating, go around and ask each guest to share their story of greatness. After each story, affirm to them, “You are awesome!”
Have everyone share something they are going to do with their life now.
Have everyone commit to one nice thing they are going to do for themselves,
BEFORE YOU GO. Make a commitment to get together again, perhaps after all your kids are in a school. Pull out phones and set the date now.
There you go. That’s how we party as Empty Nesters. Having your own grad party will help you gain closure, it’ll change your energy, and it will remind you of your own greatness.
