Jennifer Aniston’s Secret Every Empty Nester Should Know

It’s official. You’re an empty nester.

Your kids are at college and you suddenly find you’ve got nothing but free time. 

You can only watch so much Netflix, the dog is getting tired of being walked, your house is immaculate from being cleaned so often, you’re yoga-toned from that routine Jennifer Aniston swears by (more on her later), and you’ve bought enough birthday and gift cards to last years.

Okay, this little fantasy has never happened to me. 

But it’s easy to wake up every day with two questions. One is, what will I do today?

The other is, what is the nature of existence, especially now that my child has left me forever?

That last one is a bit dramatic, I grant you.

But as empty nester parents, we have more time on our hands. 

It’s time we start writing the next chapter of our own lives. 

Your college student is off writing their story. Why not write your own?

Have you thought about what adventures lay ahead for you?

You may not know yet what you want to do. That’s totally normal.

You might not know where to start in writing your own story.

Why not begin in the past? Your own past, that is. The story of the life you’ve lived up to this point. 

Discover more about yourself by journaling

Many well-known people use journaling to help them process the challenges of life.

Famous journalers include Jennifer Aniston, Lady Gaga, Emma Watson, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Bridget Jones.. Haha, you caught me, clearly Bridget isn’t a real journaler; she’s more of a list-maker.

Of course, journaling doesn’t have to be a dry recitation of yesterday’s events, or the scribbled furies of how much you’re bothered by that thing so-and-so did to you. It can also be a way to re-discover your own life story.

Getting your own story on paper can bring you both insight and peace

So have you ever thought of writing your own life story?

I’m not talking about writing down your story as a parent. But writing your story from before you became a parent.

Who were you before you became “mom” or “dad”?

You'll learn a lot about yourself by taking a journey through your own life story. This is a case in which the journey really is more important than the destination.

You may not believe your history is particularly interesting or full of adventure.

However, your life story is important because it's uniquely yours. Nobody else could write it - only you have access to your unique mix of thoughts, feelings, and experiences!

Consider these reasons why journaling can be restorative and healing

1.  Writing helps you remember. When you reflect on what has happened in your past and start putting facts on paper, you'll be surprised to see you recall more details over time. 

At first, you might feel like you can't remember enough specifics to write your story.

However, as soon as you begin, you'll find more memories pop up. In a sense, just by starting to write, you've “primed the pump.”

2. You'll reflect back on your childhood with adult eyes. You can use your adult knowledge and maturity to "review” your childhood. 

Processing these experiences now may change how you see those early situations.

This can bring healing, hilarity, or even just a sense of peace.

3. Gain insight and correct errors. Remembering now how you felt as a child will bring insight into your own feelings. New light is shed on your past when you write your story. You'll experience some "aha" moments when you reflect on your past and record it.

For example, you might realize that even though you were afraid of your Aunt Carol, she was a kind and considerate adult in your life. It was simply her size and loud voice that frightened you.

With this new insight, you may be able to re-connect with people from your past. 

4. Realize a fresh understanding of your history. When you reflect on your life and write things down, you begin to understand more about your family, what your parents were experiencing, and what you were going through as a kid.

Feelings of confusion about your past might dissipate and be replaced with a deep understanding of how you got to where you are now.

5.  Renew relationships with family members by asking for help. You may want to tap into their memories to fill in details of past situations.

6.  Let go of old hurts and fears. Using your adult mental and emotional skills to "go back" and see what happened in your life can help you resolve an old hurt or fear. You'll accept that you cannot change what happened and that it wasn't your fault because you were only a child at the time. 

7.  Re-discover childhood loves and topics of interest. Recording your memoirs will spark memories of how much you loved a certain hobby, idea or person. 

For example, maybe you loved painting and yearned to be an artist. Recalling and writing about those experiences might re-engage your love of art. You might visit art museums or take painting lessons to again enjoy one of the early loves of your life.

Putting together your life story can be a powerful experience with enormously positive results.

TAKE ACTION

So where do you start?

First of all, don’t overthink this. You’re not writing your memoirs. That’s way too high-brow for what I’m talking about.

And this isn’t (likely) going to be a New York Times bestseller (though we are okay with that, right?)

Your friends from high school won’t read this. It’s just for you, okay? Nobody but you.

Begin by writing down three memories from when you were growing up. Any three memories. Make this easy.

For example, you might write: 

“I remember going to Florida with the high school marching band and participating in a parade at Disneyworld. What sticks out for me was marching in those heavy uniforms in 100 degree heat and humidity. One detail I’ll never forget was seeing another band wilt in the heat and having to drop out, while we kept going. What this shows about me is that when I work hard at something, I can go the distance.”

There, that’s it. The prompt is fairly simple:

I remember…. 

What sticks out for me was…

One detail I’ll never forget was…

What this shows about me is….

As you write this you may discover new flashes or insights coming to you. That happens with memories.

Once we start marching down Main Street at Disneyworld, our mind begins retrieving all sorts of details and feelings about that experience. Write those down too.

Once you have three childhood memories written down, decide to keep the process going. 

Search your memories for another three experiences. Explore those using the same process as above.

Keep going through your childhood, and then into being a young adult, and finally into the time before you became a parent.

As your catalog of experiences grows, you may start to notice trends and traits.

You might discover explanations for why you behave a certain way today. You may find that you reacted as a parent a certain way because that’s exactly how you were treated as a child.

The point of this isn’t just to stop with your Story of Me. 

Now you’re ready to move forward. You will likely find this process beneficial as you begin to think about writing the rest of your story.

You deserve to live a life filled with insight, self-discovery and passion, and writing your history can usher in all of those experiences.