+ Episode Transcript

Thor Challgren
Juan, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for being here.

Juan Alvarado
Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. It's a pleasure.

Thor Challgren
Yeah, I'm looking forward to this, I think this is going to be from my point of view can be a great conversation, I'm really interested in talking with you. You primarily do work with organizations where you help them coach their personnel to be better at their job to, as you said, bridge the gap between who they are and what their position requires them. So I want to talk about that. But first, I want to talk about your personal story. Because I think that is something that no you know, my parents are my audience is empty nester parents who are in a season of change. And, you know, it's not just empty nesters. But people that are in that point in their life where they're making a change. And it may be that their kids have left home, they're on their own for the first time. So for a lot of us, it's a time to focus on a relationship, either an existing one if we're married, or maybe they're solo parents, and they're looking to build a new relationship. So I be, I want to hear your relationship story. Because I think you have some great insights there for listeners. So kind of walk me through the place you found yourself in your relationship and what you did to make it better.

Juan Alvarado
Yeah, so I met my wife at a friend's birthday party. And I'm very outgoing. I'm very outgoing. I will do you dare me to do something, and I'll do it. However, that's with the people that I know. And I trust. So in this party, I'm like, kind of standoffish and I see my, who will be my future wife. And it took forever. I literally would walk up to her and then turn around. And then I go tap on her shoulder. And then I turned the other way. And then finally a buddy of mine, go into the restroom bumps her. And he says here, hold these. And it's a it's a bowl of big bowl of chips. And he, she turns around, she goes, yeah. And I said, you want some chips? And she laughs And she's like, Sure. And she's like, I don't know if that was like a, like a line or what I'm like, No, I'm just really nervous. And I couldn't even look at her. And she started to laugh. And I think from that moment on, I made her laugh every single day. And a little bit of my, my background. Do and that at that time. But I'm a military veteran and ex police officer. And I made it thank you for your service. No, thank you, thank you. So in, in our relationship, right to where we were about to get married. I get the call to be deployed. And we start like we're in the middle of planning a wedding. And so we kind of move it forward. And so people say like, the first year of marriage is the you know, the some people say it's easier. Some people say it's the hardest. For me it was it was somewhat easy, just because we literally got married and then like a week later, I was it halfway across the world. Wow. Yeah. And so we didn't really have a whole lot of time to actually have the marriage. Kind of even route really it still it still felt like we were boyfriend and girlfriend. So we were we were kind of on on hold for the time being. But when I came home, just seeing a lot of the crap that I saw. I made it a point to say never, ever, ever break her heart. Like don't don't put her in a position where you see anger or sadness or anything and because you've made her laugh every single day, your job now is to make her life laugh. Two to three times a day at least. And now till this day till this day. I I'll say like to myself, I haven't made her laugh yet. Let me go let me go make her laugh. Let me do something stupid or off the wall. And it's sometimes it's stupid stuff like and I'm in This is just me being dumb, but it's sweat pants all the way up to the shoulders coming out of the bathroom. And like, I just don't like that, or, um, lately, something new that I've been doing probably for the last, I don't know, six months is a walker all the way to the car in the garage, and I will as she's backing out of the garage and the garage is coming down, I will dance until the girl she can't see me anymore. And at the right at the end, I can see her kind of mouth. Oh my god, I love him. And it's just those things of just like laughter just because I've seen so much heartache, and, and hurt and death. Something like that will definitely change you to make sure that you bring joy to people.

Thor Challgren
Do you know the book The Five Love Languages? Yes, that whole idea. What do you think? If you had to guess what do you think your wife's love language? What is her dominant one?

Juan Alvarado
Well, it's funny because we just talked about this the other day. And it seems like it's started to switch but it was words of affirmation. Was Was it. But now it's been heavy on acts of service. And I think I understand why it's kind of changed. But it's been made, those two will kind of compete with with each other.

Thor Challgren
Well, I think what you said is, it, it's so valuable that if when we know our spouse, and like, if you notice that like Hey, I do this one thing I made my wife laugh, if you notice that if you bring that awareness to the relationship, now you can start to double down on it. Right?

Juan Alvarado
Absolutely, absolutely. And it's the the big thing that that that I try to do is, is listen, I mean, I do this, when I do trainings with like, you can listen with your eyes, right? Somebody can be physically crying, and you don't need to hear them crying, you can see them and you know that they're hurt. You can see somebody smile, you know that they're happy, right? You can even see somebody cry with a smile on their face and know that those are tears of joy. So but listen with your with your eyes, and there's times where I'll see her around the house just with anything. And I'm not trying to be sexist in any way. But like I'd see her in the kitchen or doing laundry or anything like that. And it's like, she'll she'll make a comment like, Hey, man, I really need one of these. Or I wish I had this and like my Christmas gift or birthday gift or just a gift in general surprise her but listen to those things. Or oh my god, I can't wait to get off my feet. Hello, newsflash. How about you help. So you can get her off her feet. Like, then there's these subtle nuances of you're talking to yourself, but at the same time, like I just picture it as like a damsel in distress, or like the queen, right? Or the princess wanting to be swept off her feet. So take note guys like do that?

Thor Challgren
Yeah, well, that's one of the things I was gonna say later is ladies, if you are the listener of this show, I definitely want you to maybe recommend this to your, your husband ago, how do you should take a listen to this? Let me ask you, because I think one of the things, the reason that what you're doing is so effective. And what you just said is listening means you're observing without a filter, meaning, you know, it's so natural within relationships, where we feel like we know the person, we just go, we get on autopilot, right? Our relationship is on autopilot where we just go, oh, there's my wife or husband doing that thing they do again. And so in that's one reason why I think we can start to become dissatisfied. So what you're saying is, actively listen, be engaged to the point where you're not on autopilot. And you're not just like, you know, two ships passing in a night, you hit

Juan Alvarado
something on the head that was gonna say this example, when you said two ships missing in the night. It's just, I believe it's John Maxwell talks about opportunity. And you have to understand your opportunity. And he gives an example. It's beautiful. It's it basically ships in the dark. But he says, Have you ever seen like in movies where the limo driver has the nameplate of the guy that he's picking up or the woman that he's picking up at the airport, and it says, Mr. or Mrs. Jones. And so the person coming out of the airport, Mr. Jones says, oh, that's me. Let's go, right. But if they don't have a sign, he may not know or she might not know who Mr. or Mrs. Jones is. And there's a bunch of taxi drivers and limo drivers. That person coming off the airport is not going to know who it is. And that's what opportunity is, if you don't understand what it looks like, you're going to pass it up and it's going to pass you up. And I think speaking to guys and and and men and women on here, it is like when you hear something in the car, and when you're driving, you hear like what the heck is that? What is this tuning sound in the engine and you're like, hey, something's a matter. You take it to a mechanic mechanical, you take it to the person who's in charge of your vehicle, and you say something's not right. It's making this sound. And I think too many times especially marriages that we've gotten so long that we forgot what those those ticking sounds sound like. And we take it as attitude or whatever, and we just brush it off. Do that with your vehicle. How come you won't do that to your vehicle? But we do that with our marriages and our relationships? Yeah, so really understanding what that is. So you can get it right when it starts.

Thor Challgren
Yeah, that's a great point. I, I want to go back to something you said earlier, because you talked about the idea of making your wife laugh and doing things. Do you in that moment? Because the and again, this would be totally human nature? Do you ever do those and think to yourself? What's she going to do the same thing with me? Or what do I get returned? Because that's human nature. I think that we go, we have an expectation of getting something in return. But my guess is that when you're doing it, you're trying to be self less about it. Right, right.

Juan Alvarado
Yeah, it is. I don't I do not expect anything in return. Because and I hope when she listens to this, she doesn't take offense to this. She's not. She's not like the funny one. Like, that's not her thing. That's my thing. And so I can't expect her like, well, when you're gonna make me laugh, or hey, like, what kind of deal is that to be like, Oh, well do this for me, because I made you laugh it when you when you are you understand what a servant's heart is you give without wanting to get. And it's just, it's just one of those things where I, you hear that, and we talked about this in strengths. But like, when you're firing on all cylinders, it just happens. It's just natural. And so to naturally be funny, or to make jokes or to do something, it is those things that come to me now we've had those conversations of, of, hey, what do you want me to do that I don't do that you need me to do that will fill your bucket per se. And it came out of nowhere where she was like, I want more PDA, like I want you to be able to, to hold my hand in public or put your arm around me like when we see somebody else, like anyone a stranger or whatever. Like I want them to take note that your mind and I'm yours. And we hold hands every once in a while or whatever, prior to that. But it was like, she wanted a sense again of like Prince Charming, like sweeping her off her feet like, I will be with you and follow your lead. But let me know that I am not just a part of you, but I am with you. When to become a one like I want to feel that part. And so I don't expect anything in return in return. I think that that sometimes we need to kind of like cauterize that part of our brain to expect something in return. Because it it will come back in different ways. My, my servant, My servanthood to her and to my kids and to, you know, you and anyone else that I am serving, I don't expect anything in return. But I know like, God's gonna bless me. And I'm not saying well, let me just do this. So I can be blessed. It just you do it so much it actually kills or burns off that thought process of I need or want something I just do it just to do it.

Thor Challgren
Yeah, I think that's a great point, I was thinking, a perfect example that probably anyone could identify with is emptying the dishwasher. Like there's a, there's a couple ways you can do that. Right? You can just empty the dishwasher and put everything away, close it up and not say a word because you know that that makes the home run more easily. Your spouse is appreciative. Maybe it's not even something you normally do. But you did it. You could just do that without calling attention to it. Or this is the bad version. You could do the same task, close it up and go honey, I emptied the dishwasher. And then if you really wanted like terrible diga sake for you. So, you know, in that ladder version, you're calling attention to the thing that you did you're like, look at me, give me praise. I feels like when the what you're describing is the making your wife laugh. It's just something you do without any expectation or calling attention to it. Like aren't I great for doing this?

Juan Alvarado
Right, right. Yeah, I think and we even do we even do this with our kids. Right? So if our audience are empty nesters are going to be they've probably done this before where you know mom dad gonna have 20 bucks or 50 bucks or however much it is or can I go out or whatever. And it's like, Did you do your chores? Or do you clean your room? Or did you do this? I had to remind you to do it. I more able or more capable of giving you and wanting to give you your trust or your you know your leeway if you would just do these things without being told. I think we've all kind of had those conversations with our kids. And it's like, we teach our kids that. Hello kettle My My name is pot Can we can we can like why don't we take our own advice.

Thor Challgren
Yeah. You talk about about strengths. And I know you are a Gallup strength finder consultant, you work with people to implement that. I've had conversations in the past with people about that. Talk to me about how you apply the Gallup slash Clifton strength process to a relationship and how using that can help couples focus on their strengths. And not in the areas maybe where they aren't as strong.

Juan Alvarado
Right. Um, so strengths really helped me out at work. And then I started to understand myself, it was more of a self reflection for for me. And then I got to a point was like, How come you don't apply this stuff in the household and with your religion life. And so I started to work on me and as a leader, because I do this for leaders, especially with transformational leadership, the change starts with the leader first, you can't expect other people to do something that you haven't done already. So I took a good six months to maybe nine months to really kind of self reflect and work on myself to figure out how do I how do I make this move from me? How do I get how do I create growth and make growth within myself and work work through the problems and stuff because if I'm going to be a coach, I better go through that stuff first and know how to how to change some of that stuff. And, and so then for a while, my wife and I were bumping heads a little bit, and, and nothing too bad. I think I can count on one hand when we've raised our voice or anything like that we have a really, really good relationship. And I said, How come I don't have her take the assessment? Like, how come she hasn't taken the assessment yet, like, Good job coach. But I didn't want it to make it seem like, hey, let's figure you out. It was how can I? I did it with intentionality of how can we how can I start coaching couples? Well, can we can we can we do this? You you if you want to take the assessment. She's like, I kind of been wanting to take the assessment and I didn't want to bug you because I didn't want to, quote unquote, bring work home. I'm like, no, please take it. And when she took it, and we read her strengths, it opened the doors. And I understood what she would do when she would do it. And it put aside my frustrations that I've ever had with her. Because I and because I understood real quick. She has developer, she has positivity, she has her harmattan Yeah, she has harmony, she has belief. And what was the relator, and all of those, and all of those. A lot of those are relationship driven strengths. And so my issue at the time prior to knowing her strengths was she would come home and she'd be she'd be on the phone and she's like, I'm on the phone. And I'm like, Yeah, I could tell. And, and so she, you can see that maybe her Her eyes were a little read from, you know, being emotional and stuff like that. And she's like, Oh, my gosh, I was on the phone with so and so. And they're having problems with their kids, or they're having problems with their husband. And then something else happened. And then she talks to her mom, and then she talks to a cousin. And then by the time I get her Her battery of her, you know, emotional state and her actual physical being is at like 10%. And so I'm like, Why do you come home with your mental and physical battery drained, and I get 10% And I'm not a selfish person. So go spend time with the kid. But by the time it's you and me on the couch, you're going to sleep like How is that fair to me? And all I could hear in my strengths was selfish, selfish, selfish, like you want her there for me? Like how where do i Where's my time? Where's my this? Where's my that and so once I understood her strengths, and it was like she the whole time was working in her strengths. She She is building people up and with her developer in saying, hey, why don't you try this at home? And why don't you try this at work? And why don't you try this. So she's giving advice for positivity is telling is giving you know, these people hope. And her belief is you don't you know, family first and close friends, you know, first or second. And so she's in these things. And she had the time on the way home to make those phone calls or those text messages. I'm just getting the back end of it. So I realized that she was in her in her strengths during that time. And so then I understood why she took some of those phone calls.

Thor Challgren
And I think to when you do the assessment, you get your report back. It also talks about blind spots we have every strength you have like positivity or relationships there could be a blind spot to that and it'll tell you like not the downside, but it will tell you the thing to watch out for so it could be that. I'm just generalizing here that with what you described. Maybe a blind spot is that you can be such a giver to others. People that you have nothing left for yourself or the people closest to you. So what I find valuable in those assessments is, you look at the blind spot and you go, Okay, this is something to be aware of, it's something to pay attention to, so that I don't take the thing that is a positive for me and, and not address the area where it could become a blind spot,

Juan Alvarado
Right. So in all of the top 10, if you get to so the full 34 report, you'll get those in the top five, you won't get the top five report, you won't. Either way you would need it's good to get a coach or someone like myself to coach you through those things, especially with a mic because we can walk through the blind spots. But I would say an added blind spot that strengths doesn't put on there that I would love to make people aware of is your other blind spot is under understanding your significant other strengths. Because my the my wife's other blind spot in those things of like, like one of mine with AK with a achiever is hard to work with being hard work and working all links of hours, all hours of the day, to make sure that you get the job done. But the blind spot to that is people will think those closest to you that work is more important than people. But yen higher up on the on the top, my top five is relator where, where relationships are very important to me. So my wife had to realize like, Oh, this is my blind spot, I don't understand why he's working late. Now I do I understand the value that I have, because I understand his strengths. Same thing with me with my blind spot, not knowing her strengths. So when she looks at her report, she says, Uh, I do give a lot of myself to other people, I need to draw a line that says, hey, I will give you 100% of myself until five o'clock. And then I need to give, I need to give the rest of time to my family you have, so then she can create boundaries. And the hard part is like the harmony and the positivity. Like I don't want to be rude, I don't want to be mean. But when you have the that bottom line in the very beginning, it just makes you way more aware of yourself, what you're not thinking other people are thinking. And so when you know that you really uncover those blind spots, and a lot of people look at blind spots as weaknesses and they're to me, they're two different things. They're completely they're two completely different things like a weakness to a four door sedan is not being able to go, you know, for buying on the on the, you know, in the desert or whatever, right? Like, they can't, it can't do that. But it still has blind spots when you're trying to change lanes. So blind spots and and weaknesses are something completely are completely different.

Thor Challgren
Well, I feel like, it's such an important part of a relationship, that this is something where people are finding themselves, where you know, that they now have, for the first time in maybe 1820 years, they're having time to focus on their relationship, do something like this Take, take an assessment like this work with someone to help you figure out what yours and your spouse's areas are. Because in some ways, you know what we talked about before, you could just be on autopilot for those 18 years, you're so focused on raising a family, that you're not giving that time and attention to each other. So that is my admonition. Do something like the string finder process and find out who you are, find out who your spouse is, work with someone like one to be able to understand that so that you at least know who that other person is. And now you can do those things. Like, you know, pull up your pants, your shoulders and make. Let's let's talk a little bit about the work that you do with organizations. And I want to dive deeper into that idea of bridging who we are, what we bring to the job, but then what the position what the job entails. Tell me about that bridge.

Juan Alvarado
Yeah, so I have this the same that says my name is Juan Alvarado. And I'm your leadership coach. And I help bridge the gap between your position and your people. And I think a lot of times when we get into these leadership positions, or we get a promotion, it is oh, I got this new job. And this is the pay and I get all these more benefits or I get a car I get a gas card or I get this and I get so many more days. Everything is me, me, me, me me. Which is great. I mean, who wouldn't take that stuff? But it seems as if when we look at the resume at the at the the job description, you look at okay, what do I have to do okay to do that, do that do that. Okay, what are the benefits? Like what do I get? As opposed to having that question of what is the staff like? What what is the need for the staff where their hurts have when's the last time that you survey the staff like it's, it's never really about the staff. And so there's, there's this this part where leaders actually get and dragged into behind the desk or the paperwork or the monotony of The of the hard working per se, the paperwork per se. And then they forget about their people and they end up putting paper or policies or procedures over people, well, who's going to be the one that executes all that stuff? The people, so why aren't we feeding those people so that I really believe that there is a huge gap between leaders, managers, supervisors, and the true understanding of what leadership is, and what the staff in the trenches in the trenches really, really need. Because I think there's a poll that came out Gallup poll that said, in the next three to four years, that that the, this next generation is going to be 75% of the workforce. So there are people like, Oh, they're just millennials, or they're just this or Gen Z, and all this other stuff, like, who cares? And it's like, uh, you should care, because they're gonna, they're gonna make up 75% of the workforce. And when you study the these groups, it's, I don't want a boss, I don't want a manager, I want a coach, I want a leader. I don't really care about pay so much. I want to know, like, the incentives like, is there childcare? Do you pay for college? Do you pay if I go to school? Can you help out with books, like they want to know, it's these stepping stones as opposed to necessarily paid. So it's a different environment for people. And I think that there's a lot of people lost. The second layer of that, I would say is that another study shows that every five to seven years, you have to unlearn and relearn your position. And COVID has been a huge, you know, statement for that where everyone had to really, absolutely, but if you take COVID, the COVID, year or years out of that, if you get a promotion, if you do a lateral move, if you get go to another job, you're you're gonna have to learn something new. If you're in school, or you're a teacher, you have new students. So like, there's always this constant change. And if you're not ready, there's a saying that says, if you're not intentionally getting better, you might be accidentally getting worse. And so we really have to be cognizant and intentional of our abilities to grow and get better. Because even weeds at times look like grass. And you can keep weeds green. And from a distance, it's gonna look really nice. But once you get close, you're gonna think, Oh, this is not grass, this is a weeds. And you're gonna have to do some work.

Thor Challgren
Yeah, you said something. And I love this the idea of when you get any kind of promotion. So that's change, right? And we're going through, like you just mentioned, an unprecedented era of change. And I think what happens a lot of times is people think change equals stability, meaning, you know, like you cited, someone gets a promotion, maybe, I know, they go, okay, I get the gas card, I get this, I get that. So they go, they feel like it's gonna be a level of stability and comfort and certainty, when really, it's probably, if you think about it, it's even more uncertainty. And you said something, and I love this, that when you get to that level of responsibility, say, as a manager, your job isn't always to look up, it's to look down, and meaning not not down at people, but look back to the people that you are managing that you are leading. And really think about the world, the job, the company from their perspective.

Juan Alvarado
Yeah, it's, I heard this from from someone and I disagreed, and it took about two years for it to finally settle in. And hopefully I can I can make sense of this, that when you get a promotion or move into a leadership position, it is not necessarily a step up on the pay scale, it might be a step up, but it's actually a step down. And what I mean by that is, you're stepping down into the trenches that like that middle management position is very, very difficult. You're getting pulled by your employees, you're getting pulled by your higher ups. And it's it is a lot of stress. And so essentially, you're stepping down to say I need to be so low to the ground where my ear can hear the rumblings of my staff. But I also need to be able to clean myself off, step up and talk to the powers that be to say, hey, I need to fight for I want to almost have soldiers fight for my staff, because they need X, Y and Z and a lot of places do this. When they reclassify positions, or we're gonna restructure pay stuff. There's always somebody that gets left behind, then there's pointing fingers, and so the workplace becomes a place where we're going to do the same thing that we've always done. And that's the issue that there's a lot of people that says, How come we're still doing this? I'll cover this. Why do we do this and nobody has a good answer. Like sometimes pushing the envelope is is a good thing. Asking questions is a good thing, asking better questions is better. But, you know, when I come into organizations, you start to have leaders understand themselves and the staff understand themselves. And then when we bring them together, they're like, Oh, you weren't being a jerk. You weren't being this way. You weren't being condescending, you literally had questions like I just coached a group the other day, where this person need on their strengths, it says that they must have clarification. And so they ask clarifying questions. So they understand through times of change. So what it looked like was, oh, because we're importing this policy, or in placing this policy and putting this stuff in, you're pushing back. And so then they started to have this almost false front in front of them of this person's giving attitude. They never done this before. It's got to be because the policy, and they don't like this, and then forget it, it's a rabbit hole. Is it because I got the promotion? And they didn't, is it because this and this or it wasn't because I didn't give them the day off. And all of a sudden, all these lies start to create the wall in between this supervisor and their people, when when they realized, Oh, you Your strength is asking clarifying questions, you're trying to become the better person. So you can execute at a higher level, there's just this bump that you need to get over. And these are your steps and getting over that I understand now. And going back to the relationships in general relationships with husband and wife or kids or your boss and your co workers. Everything boils down to two things. But mainly one thing understanding well, how do you get understanding communication? And that is key in no matter whether you're working with your spouse, or you're working with an organization.

Thor Challgren
Yeah, and I think it's, it's also being willing to be vulnerable, because, you know, taking it at the level of my spouse. So I know, one of my strengths is I am a strategic thinker. So if you want to describe to me it'll say like, you will often think, you know, all these steps ahead. And so a lot goes, if you ask me a question which someone might take as a simple question, my brain immediately goes to thinking about all the steps now that can be served me well in business, but maybe my wife is just like, I just want to flip an answer like I don't I, and I want it now, because she has a strength that is more action decisive oriented. So how do I in that moment, and I think this applies to business, maybe differently, but if I know something about myself, how do I communicate that to my spouse in a way that potentially makes me vulnerable? And is it possible to do that in the work context? Like with my boss?

Juan Alvarado
Yeah, um, I think it just goes down to sitting down and meeting, going through a train going through this training or a workshop with with strengths is, you know, you don't know what you don't know. And what I say to people, and some people will know what I'm talking about. But when I'm speaking to school districts, and things like that, this is the way I say it, there's a book that I read, maybe you read the same book, but in it, the author says, Ask, and you shall what? Receive, you know, the audience will say, receive, asking starts the receiving process. And if you want to be understood, or you are being troubled by how come they don't understand or how come like, like your question, how do I get my spouse to ask, and you will receive. And I think it's important for couples, for bosses for you know, those in leadership or staff to really step out of your comfort zone a little bit, and, and, and speak, speak up and talk. Because if you're tired of what you're getting, then you need to change what you're giving. And that is one of the key points that made me kind of flip the script in my marriage and at work was like, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Something has to change. Well, hello, you're the one that can change that. So if you're tired of what you're you are getting, you need to change what you're giving. And that's exactly what you know what we did. But I would say having a sit down in a heart to heart with your spouse, or your boss or whatever and saying, Can we do this strength stuff? I want to do it? I would love if we can do this stuff together. Can we get to a point where I want to understand myself, I want to understand you and I want to be able to get to a point where it's easier to communicate for for all of us. It's I want to I'm tired of where like where I am, and where we're here is I want to get to there. And so I want you know, I want to get to a different spot than we currently are.

Thor Challgren
I feel too that this would be a good thing to do for people. Maybe they're in business for themselves and they've got a partner or they've got a team maybe if you're in network marketing or you're working with a team closely, is go through this process together so that you aren't Understand what everyone's strengths are because you might be expecting someone to do something. That's not a strength of theirs. Whereas maybe they've got another area where they're strong. And you could take advantage of that. So this seems like this would be a good process to go through for anybody whether relationship, you're an employee, or maybe you're in business for yourself.

Juan Alvarado
Yeah, it is. It is groundbreaking. It definitely took me in my leadership to the next level. And it all actually it all stemmed from getting a bad review. I had a really good track record. And everyone doing really giving me some pretty good reviews. There's some stuff that we're like, Hey, I think one needs to work on this, this and this. And then I had one one year, that was horrible. And I was like, Oh, what, like, I think we all strive to be that perfect leader or be that perfect husband or perfect wife, or trying to just become a better and I was like, Oh my gosh, and it ruined me that someone didn't like the way that I was leading, and you're not going to win them all. You're not Yeah, you're just not Yeah, I think it's Maxwell that says that there's a a rule that says that there's a 2525 25 and 50% rule of like 25% of your people are going to love everything that you do. Oh, excuse me is 2550 25 25% of the people are going to love everything that you do. 50% of them will be on the fence and then 25% will be on the other side of the fence, you're not going to win that 25%. So not, don't bother, but spend your time with the 25 build them up, and then have them have the influence of those 50. So they can sway them, you know, over to that one side. And maybe you get that other that other 25 That's on the other side of things a little bit closer to the to that fence, but you're not going to win them on so, but it bothered me so bad. I was like, How do I do this? And so then I started to research and I've done Myers Briggs, I have done some of the other the DISC assessment. Yes, yeah, yeah. And so when I did Strength Finders, I to me, I got more information out of it. And no disrespect to those other ones that people were taking those. They're all great. Any tool that's going to make you better, good, good for you. Like that's something that that's great strengths, just, it just put me in a bigger understanding put me in a better place even further further than those other ones. And how it again, no offense to those other ones. But when you look at your strengths, your you said you have strategic and yours or do you have a strategic thinking?

Thor Challgren
Yeah, I think strategy is my number six.

Juan Alvarado
Yeah, so it's number one for me. So your your strategic thinking or strategic strength and my strategic strength will will read completely different. And the likelihood of you having the same top five as me in the same orders one in 33 million, right. So I Are we are completely different. And we are unique individuals. And so it with strengths. just a fact of your strength reading different than mine, even though we will think using the same strength, your thought process and the way you execute will be this completely different than me, as opposed to some of the other ones like oh, all the high DS or the low eyes or the high eyes or whatever. You're kind of in this box of like, because you're like this, right? It'd be the difference between if you guys can see us I know what we look like, it'd be like, You guys are both guys, you guys are both bald. So this is how you're going to execute. And it's like no, right? You, you are your own man. And you're going to go through it this way. And I'm my own man, I'm going to go through it this way. And I think that's the, the what it is about for everyone is you're such an individual that the way you're going to go about things it's so unique, brings us back full circle, which is why you need to understand each other. Because you can't say, oh, all men are like this, or all women are like this, no, this person that I'm with or this person that I work with is unique. And I I value you enough that I want to get to know you, which came taking it back to two marriages again. And relationships again, is wouldn't it be great to date all over again? And getting to know your significant other?

Thor Challgren
Yeah, that's one of the things that I have worked with people on is there was a episode of Modern Family early in the season, early in the series, where the two the couple, Claire and Phil went to a bar and pretended they didn't know each other. And they both they both had this identity. And I love that episode. Because not me it was hugely funny. But the idea that that couple had known each other so well raising kids, that it was exciting to them to go and almost meet this person again for the first time now they've added some role playing like where he was Aspire or something. Yeah, you don't have to go that far. But the idea of going, what if I didn't know anything about my spouse now what can I know?

Juan Alvarado
And here here's an added layer to that whether it was his idea or her idea? They did it anyways. Like, if it was my wife's idea, it was like, hey, if this is what she wants, let's do it, if this is what he wants, let's do it. And so really, because again, even with love languages, the way you speak and feel somebody's cup is going to be completely different than the next. And so, yeah, it's just an added layer of she didn't say, Oh, you're you're being stupid? Or why would you do that? Or how come you don't love me just for who I am or whatever it was, it was fun. It was different. It was they were they were going and charting a new territory. And I think that you always hear like, oh, married couples should spice it up. And you wonder why is because you, everything has kind of gone dormant in the love and stuff. So really getting to know your spouse all over again, through strengths would be a huge step in the right direction.

Thor Challgren
I agree. Hey, one final takeaway people that are beginning in a new season of their life, whether it's, you know, new career, new job, maybe new way of thinking of themselves post kids, what's one thing you know, the work that you do with people? What's one thing you think they could do in that season to make themselves a success?

Juan Alvarado
Yeah. So I'm going through this new program that I'm starting is the seven, seven intentional steps forward into your greatness. And one of those steps, which is simple is make a make a decision. And hopefully, those people, you know, new job, they've already made that decision. But the cool thing is, is that when we when we make a decision, it leads to direction. And a lot of times where we are, I don't know what to do, when should I go here? Should I go make a decision, sit down and say, This is what I want? This is my next step. And then do it. And once you know where you're going, like, I can say, Let's go on a trip. Mm hmm. Okay. So when you decide where guess what you're going to know what when to go, and you're going to know what to pack. I say, Let's go to Colorado, you're automatically going to say, Oh, cool. I'll take my skis and my snow jacket, but not if we go in the beginning of summer. Right, you're good. So when you make a decision, it will create and make direction for you. And so I really think that there's a lot of people who need to, you know, those of us that are on this new journey or scared I would say prior to that scared to go on a new journey, just make a decision. And if you have to take time to write the things out, you know, write those things out and, and understand that decisions will lead to direction. The other thing too is if you focus too much on problems, then your problems, your problems will then paralyze your progress. And so it's like, well, what about this? What about this? What if she doesn't do this? Or what if it's gonna paralyze your progress? And so don't focus I think, with strengths don't focus on those weaknesses, or the negative? What if positive, what ifs, make a decision and go?

Thor Challgren
That's a great point. Because someone you know, I think about someone who is thinking about what they want to do with their life now, like, you know, you're an empty nester parent, you've been a parent stay at home parent maybe for 20 years. And you're like, now what? And to your example of Colorado, you could sit around and go, Well, should I get skis out? Or should I get a bathing suit? Or surfboard? Like you don't know? Until you decide, okay, I'm going to go to Colorado. So I think that, you know, what I talked about is make a decision about what a short term purpose is, like, like your example, a short term purpose is, I'm going to go to Colorado, I'm going to drive there and see that and then that forces you to start to make decisions with respect to that, or what you need to accomplish that. So that's a great point. Well, I understand a day or two after this episode airs, you're going to be having a big celebration. Happy birthday, man.

Juan Alvarado
Yeah, thank you so much. So yeah, on the fifth of January, I will hit the big four. Oh, so I don't feel 40 There's time will excuse me, there's times that I feel 40 Like physically, and then there's times where I still feel like a kid, you know, messing with my kids and, and, you know, or going to the gym and working out or doing just anything with my wife, like, I still feel feel young. And I think that's important.

Thor Challgren
It is so important. Yeah. I think that wherever you are in life, you know, that's one of my things that sort of changed my perspective on when my daughter went off to school is I'm like, you know, I've got like 2030 years left in my life, my productive part of my life, like, My life isn't over. It's just beginning. So, yeah, welcome to the 40 plus club.

Juan Alvarado
Thank you. Thank you so much.

Thor Challgren
Well, one for people who want to know more about what you do where can they find you?

Juan Alvarado
Yeah, so my website is www.weraizethebar.com, that's raize with the Z. I couldn't do it with an S for copyright purposes. So weraizethebar and that's the name of the company Raize The Bar. And it's really a when you put something out of reach above you bigger than you, you'll be able to reach up and go get in, pull yourself up to that next level. And it's going to take some strength, and it's going to take some effort and some intentionality to do that and get you out of your comfort zone. So weraizethebar.com. And then on Instagram, it is raizethebarCEO_, and then on Facebook, it is raizethebarLLC. So you can find me you can find me at those,

Thor Challgren
Awesome, and I'll make sure we link up all of those in the show notes. Perfect. Well, Juan, thank you so much. I really appreciate you being on the show today and loved our conversation.

Juan Alvarado
Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. And I look forward to hearing this and sending it to everyone. Thank you so much.

Thor Challgren
Awesome. All right. Take care one.

Juan Alvarado
Thank you. Bye

Transcribed by https://otter.ai