+ Episode Transcript

Thor Challgren 0:00
Welcome to Your Turn to Fly, the empty nester living show. Thank you so much for listening today. I am excited for you to hear today's interview. My guest is Todd Mitmesser. Todd is a college counselor with Class 101 in Conejo Valley, California.

Thor Challgren 0:20
Todd helps families navigate the college admissions process. He works with students for several years, leading up until the time they leave for college. In our conversation, we talk about what our kids go through during the admissions process and how we as parents can best support them. We talked about subjects like how to communicate with our student and how to give advice. We discussed the importance of having lots of options to choose from, and how that lessens the stress on the whole family. And we talked about the time period after our students are in college, we discussed the value of working during college and we talk about one hugely valuable reframe you can use when having tough conversations.

Thor Challgren 1:09
Moving away from home is a huge change for our students, no doubt, but it can also be a huge change for us as parents, if you are looking for a little encouragement and support in this transition in your life. This is something I specialize in. I'm a certified life coach and I work with parents just like you. If you're in that season of life, I'd love to talk with you. Let's do our first call for free. Just go to discover.yourturntofly.com and schedule that free call. That's discover.yourturntofly.com. Alright, let's jump into today's episode. I hope you enjoy my interview with Todd Mitmesser.

Thor Challgren 1:57
Todd, welcome to the show. How are you today?

Todd Mitmesser 2:00
I'm well Thor, thank you very much for having me.

Thor Challgren 2:03
My pleasure. I'm excited for our conversation today. Because we're going to be talking a lot about the year or so before our kids leave for college. You know, the pressures they face and also the opportunities that are in their future. You obviously as a college counselor, you work to help get them into college. So I thought it'd be an interesting conversation to have because even though I'm an empty nester parent, that relationship I have with my child, it's still huge. So the more I think I can understand how to communicate with them, what they're facing, what they're dealing with in college based on where they are now, is all the better for me. So does sound like a good place to start.

Todd Mitmesser 2:49
I love it. I love it sounds great. Awesome.

Thor Challgren 2:52
Well, what I'd love to do is start the conversation, sort of in the springtime of a student's senior year, I mean, the students that work with you, they've spent several years practicing tests, taking test writing, essays, submitting applications, and then they wait.And in the spring, they start to hear back from school. So tell me from the students you work with and how that process that time period goes, What's that time period like for that student?

Todd Mitmesser 3:27
Well, in the spring of their senior year, you know, we're really doing quite a few things in terms of making sure they're getting on campuses, and then it changes a little bit with campus visits after they find out for sure, which obviously schools they got into. So if they did some early action applications where they already know, because they usually find out you know, in the winter, then they can be going to those schools. So it's a time of trying to narrow down, you know, what school is perfect out of that final list of schools that you applied to. So that's one one really important part of the process. And so into the spring, you know, and towards the end of their senior year, a lot of students are taking AP tests. So they've got that going on. And then they're trying to get in some college visits. And then once they hear their final list, find out in April, usually the final list, okay, these are the schools and I choose from, you've got about a month there on some of them. And again, going on campus, and sometimes it may be the first time on campus. If it was, you know, an East Coast school from here and the West Coast, obviously, I'm in California. So sometimes it's cost prohibitive to go on those visits until you find out if you get in. And so a lot of a lot that's a huge part of this process of selecting the right school is physically getting on campus and sometimes even for the second or even third time.

Thor Challgren 4:45
That's fascinating that you say it's about a month period of time. So for many kids, they're going to look at this as like this is a life altering choice. And it all comes down to about one month. How do as parents? How can we best support our kids during that time when they're having to make that decision?

Todd Mitmesser 5:09
Okay, I'll back up just a little bit before I answer that question, that is, if they do their job, the job they should be doing, it's not as big of a crunch time, because they already know a great deal about all these schools, right. And the ones that they applied to are perfect fits all of them. And so they're just trying to do that fine, a little bit, you know, of research and getting on campus. So what the parents can do. So I think just encouraging the student, the first thing that comes to mind encouraging the students to kind of continue the process, because sometimes they think, Okay, I'm done. And you've got to keep going. We also do some scholarship applications in spring. And in you know, that's another great point that parents can, you know, really just kind of don't want to push them too hard with the most teenagers because they end up with getting the you know, that hand, but subtle encouragement, right about filling out more scholarship applications, these are outside scholarships outside of the college, that they can use those funds at any school. That's something else that parents could do. And you know, and I think, going through the process with them, so talking to them about what it is that you're going to use for your final decision. Yeah. What are you looking at? I'm just curious, and having that conversation where, you know, you're leaving it up to the student, but at the same time, you're letting them know, hey, I can go on about something off me. I'm right here.

Thor Challgren 6:28
Do you think coming into this final decision? Is it good for the families to have had the conversation about what can work for the family, you know, obviously, finances, that's a big part of it. So having that conversation where we go, this is what we can do as a family, these are the boundaries, I'm assuming that's important as well.

Todd Mitmesser 6:50
It is it is. And again, a lot of that is done beforehand. Most schools have, you know, last several years have developed really good cost estimators, so calculators, and so they're not always terribly accurate, but most of them are fairly accurate. So in terms of merit, scholarship, amount and need, you know, what amounts you're going to get from each school. And so you kind of know that ahead of time, but it is so expensive. And you know this, Thor, it's so expensive, even at state schools, it can be very, very expensive. So trying to lower that cost of education, through doing things early, you know, by the time the spring time, yes, like, you already know, it's gonna be 40 or 38, or, you know, 26, depending on the school. And so, I think it's kind of a continuation, if you will, of that conversation, because it needed to have happened way before then in terms of, you know, how much are we willing to spend?

Thor Challgren 7:44
Right. And sometimes parents can be, they have their own stake in it, maybe, rightly, or wrongly, you know, they may say, Well, I was an alumni at this school, or for maybe not great reasons. A parent might say, hey, it would be better for me if you went to this school, because it makes me look better. I mean, hopefully parents aren't thinking of it that way. But what can parents be mindful of that's not helpful to their student in making this decision?

Todd Mitmesser 8:14
Very good question. And I think that one thing that parents can do is to try their best to not get caught up in the hype of, oh, it's a UCLA or I'm sorry, a UC school like UCLA, just because the name, okay, right. And I battle this weekend and week out with families that that school might not be an actually these three or four schools, even though you like them, they may not be the best school. But the we still end up applying because they do have the major and they do have things that are very important to that student. And when we do the final analysis, though, to make sure that the parent is trying to be as objective as they can in terms of what they think is a great school and what really is the perfect school for their son or daughter.

Thor Challgren 9:00
Yeah, and I know that is super hard. Because I, my daughter did not apply to UCLA, which is where I went, I would imagine that I wouldn't have gotten in now compared to what I went. But that's really hard, because I'm sure a lot of parents have that emotional attachment, certain places, because it either they have personal feelings towards it, or maybe they don't. They feel like it'll make them look better if their kid goes to such and such school. But it's so important to remember this is about what's best for for your kid. Right?

Todd Mitmesser 9:34
Exactly, exactly. It's so important. And I think just bringing it up to parents, if you are watching this podcast today, it's going to be helpful because just to give it some thought, give it to you just ask yourself that question. Am I looking at this for what's the best possible situation best school for my son or daughter and it's amazing if you do a little introspection what you find out there

Thor Challgren 9:59
Yeah, You know, thinking about kids now, and the pressure they face about making the right decision? You know, compare that to when you and I were growing up, do you think it's the same? Is there more pressure on them? And what can we as parents do to maybe alleviate some of that pressure?

Todd Mitmesser 10:18
That's a good question as well, it's very different, very different. I applied to two schools. And I took the ACT, I grew up in the Midwest. So I took the ACT one time, and my older brother took it one time, I didn't even know you could take it more than once. And I didn't even know what the LSAT was. So yeah, things have changed a great deal. The numbers have changed. There's a lot more kids going to school. And so it's more competitive, but it's so competitive, and students have to be aware. And parents have to be aware that the process starts way before way, way before they start filling out applications. If they're going to apply to a to a semi competitive school, it is so important. So there's a lot more to it to answer your question than when you and I were applying.

Thor Challgren 11:01
Mm hmm. And how can we, as parents help them navigate that and maybe just kind of remind them like, Hey, I mean, we talked so much about how important it is to get into the right school, but at the same time, it's not the end of the world if they don't get into the right school, or tell me what you see the parents and the families that you deal with? How do they successfully navigate the pressures of these decisions?

Todd Mitmesser 11:26
That's another really good question. So what I do is talk to the parents and the student early on about what it is they're looking for. And then I tried to give them some research early on. And through the research, they changed that list many times and what it is they're looking for, because sometimes they don't even realize they don't know what they don't know. And so once they start to figure out, these are my factors, these are what things are just I need in a school, it might be cost, we've mentioned costs cost might be there, it might be the academic rigor, it might be the reputation of the school, because for some people that's very, very important, whether it be the parent or the student. And so there's just so many things geographic location, obviously, being here in Southern California, I talked to all my students about You do realize what a nor'easter is, and they go, Huh, when they want to apply to school in Boston, or a Long Island or something, it's like, you got to understand what you're getting into. And do you know what lake effect snow is? And they go, huh? And then the next question is usually, have you ever been in snow. And so again, this is my area in southern California. So we want to make sure there's everything checks out to what they're looking for. And some things they don't, many times they don't understand the complexity of everything they need to consider. Because we don't want to see is that student transfer, we don't want to see him transferring depends on which poll you look at, you know, it's 35, or 40%. Transfer, believe it or not, it's that high. And if you do your due diligence early, then you late like in the spring, like you're talking about you continue that, then you know you're going to make a great choice, and the school is going to be one where you love it there and you're going to stay until you graduate. That's a big part of the process.

Thor Challgren 13:12
Let's talk about that for a second. Because I want to stay in this mindset. It's April, it's May, we're making that final decision for the students that ultimately do end up transferring that 30%. What's the main reason that those students end up transferring?

Todd Mitmesser 13:30
You know, it's a variety, it really just depends sometimes. And again, it really depends. I guess, the first thing I'd say is, where are you talking about geographically, because I alluded to it a second ago, but Southern California is so beautiful. And when students have lived here their entire life, they don't understand what it's like. And they may have a vacation, you know, in Colorado and gun ski. And they maybe go up to Big Bear, and ski a few times every winter. But that's very different than living in Michigan, or in New York. And so, right. It's just so so important that they consider those things.

Thor Challgren 14:05
It's the vacation fallacy where you assume that if you go someplace for one week, and you love it that you'd love it year round, right?

Todd Mitmesser 14:12
Exactly. And then there's a host of other things, it just depends on the student. So why they transfer the academic fit and the major. And those are two different things. But the major again, come keep coming back this sound like a broken record, but looking into some career exploration activities, and some internships and some jobs before you go off to college is so so important because you want to make sure that you're going to school it just doesn't have your major. They've got your top three or four choices. So if you get there and you want to go in a little different direction, you know, say you went in he thought you're going to be business management, then you found out you're much better Yeah, I kind of like love accounting. And so you know, how strong is their accounting program or marketing, some source sales. There's so many different areas within business So we look at that we look at make, we don't just look at the major, we look at everything, and just doing some exploration to see, we always do some assessments to find out what activities, not job really just activities that a student enjoys. And we try to link that, you know, to some possible careers and then majors and so, right, yeah, it's a process, that's for sure. And it can help lower that percentage of transfer. And so that's kind of an answer, I could go into probably more details, but academics, major geographic location, you know, the field for the school is very important. A lot of kids out here that will say, had the right vibe. So what does that mean? It can mean something different for each student. So and that again, that's what coming on campus? Being on campus for a visit is so so important.

Thor Challgren 15:48
Yeah, I can see that it, the question that a lot of kids will have to deal with is if they came from a small town, and then they're going to go to a huge state school, are they prepared for the size of that campus, or vice versa, maybe if you're used to a big city, maybe the small campus isn't right for you,

Todd Mitmesser 16:05
Exactly.

Thor Challgren 16:05
The clients that you work with the families, they've narrowed down so that hopefully the list of schools, they've applied to our ones that they would be okay with any of them. But when you get to March or April, if a student really has their heart set on one school, and they don't get in there, how do families that successfully navigate that situation? How do they manage that disappointment of maybe not getting into your top choice?

Todd Mitmesser 16:35
That's a really good question. And I think trying to do as much as you can in terms of measuring what makes a school one that you have a chance to get into and that many terms are thrown out in this situation, you know, is it a reach school, is it a target school and, and so what I like to do is making sure every school in the list, they would love going to, okay, again, by their factors. Now, having said that, we do know that some of them are going to be harder to get into than others. And so I think it's, it's, again, it's work that happens long before you open those letters, or you get that email and you find out you know, it's, it's really about doing your work ahead of time. And it can save your day, so to speak, in the spring when you don't get into four of those schools. But you did get into these other six. And so I don't really have an answer for you in terms of because I try not to be in that situation, because we have so many great options. I don't know if that helps. But I don't want to say you're just out of luck, if that happens, and you just got to deal with it. But at the same time, it's just so important to have a list where all of the schools that you apply to you would really, really find yourself enjoying and being fulfilled, and those schools are going to help you be successful.

Thor Challgren 17:49
Do you find and maybe not in the people that you work with, because I'm guessing again, they're fairly focused on what they want. But in general, students who get to this point in their senior year they've done all this prep work, they've applied, and maybe for whatever reason, they're suddenly just not feeling not just that school, but like college in general, as a family, when this comes up, how do you help them evaluate whether or not it's maybe a good idea to take a year off a gap year? Or to reassess? Or to maybe start in the winter? Spring semester? Like how does a family navigate that sort of hesitancy about college in general, at this point?

Todd Mitmesser 18:34
Well, I've come across this, it's not very often, but I do come across this, and I'm really working for the student. And I'm working for the parents, you know, the fam, I'm working for everybody. And so having said that, it's so important that both sides kind of come together on this topic. And so, for instance, the parents need to realize that Johnny isn't where he probably needs to be in regards to being fired up and excited and ready, and ready for college. And so I talked to those students about an actually have two of those right now I'm talking to and talking to the student about and showing them numbers and showing them pathways, you know, where you could go to a junior college, you know, for one year or even two years and then transfer to some of these other schools that you're looking at right now. That's an option. And some students are all about it. And some students are okay, I'll look at it and some students are just No, that's not from me. What else do you have, you know, and so anyhow, showing them different pathways is important. And talking to both sides, the parents and the students? Because sometimes they're not on the same page, that maybe we should consider this. Let's look into it.

Thor Challgren 19:43
Do you find sometimes that you are in the role of a mediator or maybe the students aren't telling their parents what they're really feeling? And the parents are assuming everything's one way and the students like, I just don't know how to tell my parents. This is what I'm feeling like what do you say to the students in situations like that?

Todd Mitmesser 20:01
That's a good question. I try not to get in the middle of family dynamics. However, I kind of make sure that the communication to a certain level is going on. Because yes, I do come into that sometimes. And it's very important that the parents understand what the student is thinking and vice versa. Because obviously, when they don't know that's not a positive. When both sides don't, right, so getting them to talk is sometimes necessary.

Thor Challgren 20:26
Yeah, going back to that idea of a gap year, or taking some time off instances where students do that, how likely is it that they will eventually enroll in school? Or what are you sort of know in terms of not just maybe the people you work, but generally speaking, is a gap year, just a delay of school? Or is it maybe mean something bigger?

Todd Mitmesser 20:50
Well, it can mean a lot of different things. So I hate to generalize. However, once a student starts working, this is one scenario that I've seen happen once they start working, let's say they go, wait tables at a really nice restaurant. And so they're getting cash every night tips, a lot of cash. And then they're taking classes part time at a junior college. And then the next semester, it might be they're asked to pick up more shifts, especially nowadays, because there's a labor shortage everywhere. And so by then they're getting more money, they're making more money. And it's hard to I got to take more classes, I got to earn less money when they're used to having that income. And so that is one scenario that I've seen happen. And so you have to kind of be focused, you have really do if if college, in a college education is your goal, you have to stay focused and realize what actions what endeavors are going to help you towards that goal, and what maybe is going to work against you achieving that. So it's super important to kind of be mindful of the entire process, and everything you're doing. And so that again, that's something I bring up. And I've got a couple of clients who are in junior college right now. And I'm helping them transition to a four year school. And I run into that in that situation as well. So they're working, and they have 30 hours a week, and they're doing it an internship. And then they're, they're studying for a bit one student studying for a Nursing exam. And then it's like a and then it's difficult. It's difficult.

Thor Challgren 22:17
Yeah, I'll share my own experience. Years ago, I went to UCLA and I was there maybe three and a half years. And then I got an opportunity to go out and work in a really good job in the field I wanted to be in. And I thought, Okay, I'm done. And I worked at that job for two years. And then at Christmas, I got laid off. And now I had to figure out what I was going to do. And I did go back and finish my degree. So I guess I would say from my perspective, just because something happens a certain way doesn't mean it's always going to be that way. But I can say that when I did go back to school for those last nine months that I needed to get my degree, I loved the experience of being in school, because to your point of like the waiter who picks up more shifts, and now sees like, what the working world is like, once you see that, for me, it just made me appreciate school, all the more.

Todd Mitmesser 23:06
Every family has their own kind of attitude ideas on this. But working while you're in college, I worked all the way through, I went to a college where you had to work, you got a scholarship, everyone got a scholarship, a nice scholarship, actually. And you did 10 hours a week, and you weren't paid hardly anything for it. Literally I started I started out at 80 cents an hour. Because it's a work study, you know, they're allowed to go way below minimum wage. And so after your freshman year at the school, though, you were allowed to find your own job within the college. And many, many times it was something you had a passionate about or something you wanted to go into professionally. And so it was great. And so I have that background where that's something I think is so so important if the In some families just like no, I don't want to work and I want to just concentrate in school, but they don't understand 10 hours a week, working in that field or working in something that you feel passionate about can actually be a stress reliever, it can give you some great insight into Yeah, I kind of like that. I kind of don't like that for a profession. And so it's I would encourage everyone to at least look at that possibility of doing some work while you're enrolled full time. And it might be a limited basis, it might be just for part of the semester or in the summer, then you just have to work around your own schedule. Obviously, if you have a semester, that's really tough in terms of academics, and maybe you have to pull back and not do it that semester. But it's a I just think it's a great internships are wonderful. Wonderful.

Thor Challgren 24:27
That's a great point. Because I think a lot of parents who might be the type of parent would say, No, you don't need to work. It's not a matter of money. It's a matter of experience and building their resume and having that experience so that by the time they graduate, they're in a position where they have a stronger background that's more appealing to potential employers.

Todd Mitmesser 24:51
Exactly, exactly. It's a great point building that resume, always building.

Thor Challgren 24:56
Yeah. The parents that you work with the families you work with, and you think back to the couple of years leading up to them going off to school, the ones the parents had a good relationship with their high school seniors, what do you think they were doing right? Or what worked for that family to build that strong relationship?

Todd Mitmesser 25:17
Well, I think just working on everything early, and then just be in there to encourage at the level that's needed. So in other words, if a student needs more motivation, they need more structure, they need more, hey, this is what we got to do, then, you know, you got to provide that for him. As a parent and other students are really motivated, like, they have their own student company, they started and they they're already wanting to go volunteer with their friends. And they're, they're like, I want to take as many AP classes as I can. Or there's a big difference in from student to student Family to Family on how much the parents need to step in and help lead. And I think it's important, and you know, it's that relationship. We all know how teenagers are, you know, I, I probably need to leave out my little stories here personally, but that I will share one, I've asked my daughter before I looked at her and I say, and I won't even say her name here. But can I have my daughter back. And so having that type of relationship where you know when to step in, and you know when to say this is what's going to happen. And so the pandemic, and this is maybe something you want to get into or not, but the pandemic has changed everything. It absolutely has. And these students, I'm finding a lot of my clients, they, they sit at home in their rooms, and they they're perfectly content with that, because that's what they know. That's they know they're back in school, now. They're back in school. But it's crazy how different students are coming out of the pandemic here, coming out of the lockdown in the school shutdowns, I should say.

Thor Challgren 26:50
Yeah, yeah. Well, let's talk about a family's gotten through the spring, the summer they know their students going off to college. When we think about moving into the fall, students heading to college, based on what you see how prepared are they for what they're about to experience? And how different is college from high school? I mean, are they surprised at the differences? Are most of them prepared for it?

Todd Mitmesser 27:17
That's a great question. And I do try to touch base with some of my former clients when they're in college, and I bump into their parents. And they'll ask me a hard things go on this and that it's so funny, because I think a lot of parents are amazed, especially their first child to go, they're amazed at how little their child wants to talk to them. It's I just spoke with one yesterday, I'm working with a second child and that family. And I said, so how's he doing, and he's at Purdue is at Purdue University. And, and the mom was like, I don't know, I haven't talked a couple weeks. And so it's one of those things where he calls when he needs something. And so that means he's probably getting along swimmingly. He's probably just, it's again, it's different from family to family, though and on how much what goes on after they go and whether or not that student is prepared. I think the academic rigor of their high school has a lot to do with it, you know, when they get to college, if they're ready for that. I think that's obviously a huge thing for students, when they go from high school to college. It's just, you have to be more organized, you have to do things on your own. And we talk about that with them. I'm already talking to my seniors about it now. And that right now, this time of year, I'm saying no, when you get to college, if they're like late getting me an essay, say, I'll say you understand that in college here in a few months, if you're a weekly, you just failed the class. So I think letting them hear some of that, and then also encourage them to talk to their friends. They're already in college, so that they get some sort of insight there. And I'm sure those conversations are about social things more than other. But still, that's great, though, they got to hear something from somebody. So it's sure any kind of de facto kind of mentorships or internships almost just about college life just through talking to other students. If they don't know a lot of other students, they know we have them watch videos, and they do watch videos of students who are there. It's a really important tool.

Thor Challgren 29:08
Yeah, I'm sure that in that first fall, there are some students you describe that one parent has, like I haven't heard from him in weeks, but there may be instances where kids are feeling lost, maybe a little homesick. But as a parent, how do you know when your kid is facing like the normal amount of homesickness versus maybe like something bigger like this college isn't right or they're not ready? Like how do I know as a parent, the difference between normal homesick and something that's a bigger conversation?

Todd Mitmesser 29:42
That's another great question, Thor, and so, again, it's so individualized so in one family if you know your child has a tendency to be homesick that type in other words, when they went to camp or were they reluctant to go to camp, you know a sleepaway camp or to go on vacation with their friends their parents and thinks if they were, if they showed some reluctance or just didn't do well in those situations, and obviously that's a different situation that a child who is just can't wait to go by and loves going to sleepaway camp, and it always had that ability to separate and be fine. And so I think that it's really important to look at it from that perspective, first of all, and then once you have that kind of perspective, it's really important to have the right amount of communication, so that you can get a feel for things. I mean, I can, every parent can have a conversation. And within two or three minutes, they kind of figure out, things are going well, or things aren't going well. But then other parents if their child doesn't communicate real well, and they know that then they need to probably do some other things looking into when they're talking to him. So what did you do this weekend? You know, are you what's your roommate like? And how was the food there, they just to get them to open up about, oh, this happened, I found a great sushi place, or what if everything stays very bland in that conversation, and there's not much there, then that might be something that you got to look into a little further then. But the more details they give you, the more positive things are going, because willing to share those details.

Thor Challgren 31:13
Yeah. And I'm guessing too, it's so important that the kids understand that open communication is what you're looking for, that you as a parent can't be in a position where you're judging them, or you're putting pressure on them, because then that's just going to cause them to close down even more and not share with you if things are a challenge because they feel like you know, they can't talk to you as a parent.

Todd Mitmesser 31:37
Exactly, exactly. So trying to open those lines of trying to open those lines up and avoid the shutdown. It's it's very similar to probably what went on during high school as well. I mean, and again, every family is so different. I mean, I work with so many different types of students, and there's so many different relationships that they have with their parents. And so it's very, very interesting. And I think it's very, like I said just a second ago, it really depends on that particular dynamic within that family.

Thor Challgren 32:05
Right. And when the student is there, their first year, you described, sometimes 30% of the students want to transfer but let's just say it's not that, but maybe a student says, you know, now that I'm here, and I see what the majors like, I feel like I want to go in a different direction. When that conversation comes up, how can we as parents, help them make the best decision when it comes to maybe changing their major or changing their focus?

Todd Mitmesser 32:29
Well, I think that, first of all, not declaring a major right away is always a good option. Now, sometimes depending on the major and depend on the college, you have to like for engineering or nursing, you have to declare going in at some schools, and you can't be in that college in that university, I'm sorry, and then transfer into that program that just, sometimes you have to do what I'm saying you might not want to do. And that is so if you don't have to declare it, don't declare it. I didn't declare my major until the very end of my sophomore year, when they told me Hey, you got to declare a major. I think that after that happened, so let's say the major is declared the state's after their first year, they thought they were going to do business. And then they got into this like, I don't know. And so having a conversation about why I think is very important. So tell me what you're feeling in terms of why for the parent, asking a student that so you say you're not interested in business, tell me. And then from there, you can take that those answers that they give, and point them in the direction of resources. First of all, there's usually very good resources on campus, on campus. So there's career development, every college and it's keep up with the Joneses. Almost every school is fighting for students. It's a business and they this is one of the areas that many campuses have have grown in over the years. And so encouraging your students to meet with somebody, and to go through some different career options. And they have assessments that they could use depending on the college fan school. And that might help point them in the direction, encouraging them if they're thinking, I'll give you one example. I had a close friend who went to college, and she was a biology major coming in biology. She didn't want to major in Biology. Dad wanted her major in Biology. Fast Forward 30 years. She's an artist, and she majored in art. So she after a freshman year, those biology classes, she took those two or three classes great, but now she was an art major and thrived and is a tremendous artist. And so it's one of those things where I think the parents need to listen, the parents need to realize it's their child's life. It's not their life, and try to give them advice where they can find the answers that they are seeking. That's really it. How can you help your child find the answers and you got to ask the questions, obviously, hmm. And just start probing start asking and try to do it in a very on short, you might lower the stress level. Okay, well, that's good. I'm glad that you found this out. So let's look at what we could do that, but it's not like, oh, no, yeah, it's that's wonderful you're finding out now you don't want to do business. So let's look at this, you know, what do you think? Would you like to look at it? That type of questioning just to keep it low key.

Thor Challgren 35:13
Yeah. And open ended. And I think like what you're describing I love that idea is that instead of coming at it from like a judgmental point of view is Be curious like openly curious like okay, well tell me what are you thinking why are you thinking this? Or have you looked into this? And if you can remove that sort of judgment, then you're going to have that more open, productive conversation. Right?

Todd Mitmesser 35:36
Exactly, exactly set, you can set it up as a parent to go much, much better through that openness that you allow, and that you encourage.

Thor Challgren 35:48
Yeah, well, let me ask you one last question. You have said, you're a parent, let's look at the fullness of your life and everything that you've done from being a parent to the work that you do helping other kids everything else. This is a question I always struggle with, is being a parent, the best thing that you'll ever do? Or do you leave room for the possibility in your life that you're going to do even greater things may be then that is, how do you see that?

Todd Mitmesser 36:15
I look at it as a finite amount of time. I mean, because in my children, I have a ninth grader and a 10th grader. And so I fully recognize it's probably because of what I do for a living, but I fully recognize my time with them is drawing to a close. I look at it as I want to make every minute valuable. And so I can further increase that relationship to the point where we're maximizing everything and every minute, every day that we have enough. I think he look at it like that, because that's the truth. I mean, once they go off to college, or they start a career, or let's around the house, just not gonna see him very much. And so I don't not so much look at it as what's the most important thing is just, I just want to take advantage of the time that I have.

Thor Challgren 37:06
Yeah, and even if they're off at school, now you still get some time with them when they come back. And really just treasure that time.

Todd Mitmesser 37:13
I hope my children go to a school with a really good basketball atmosphere because I want to go to the games. No, just kidding. But no, I like that. Yeah. It'll be fun. I actually, it's funny you say that, because I've talked to my sophomore a few times about it about where she'd like to go to school. And we've been in California for a few years. It's absolutely beautiful here, but she loves rain, huh? She loves thunderstorms. She loves winter, too. So, you know, I've said to her just so that, you know, you're thinking about college, back in the Midwest or in Long Island, New York or staying out in California? And she just didn't give me an answer at all. And and I actually asked my ninth grade child, my son, the same question, Hey, have you thought much about college, you know, and just to start the conversation, and also just there's always a maybe a hybrid situation, but my children, if they're not getting the most out of my college planning, because of my role as a parent, Mm hmm. Then I'm going to have them work with an associate from Class 101, I want another counselor because or at least like I said, maybe a mix between me and another counselor. Just because it's a different relationship. That relationship with your counselor is very different than your relationship as a parent, and sometimes you can't do both.

Thor Challgren 38:26
Oh, sure. Yeah.

Todd Mitmesser 38:27
You can't do both. Well, anyway.

Thor Challgren 38:29
Yeah. When our daughter went, was getting ready. She had independent people to help her write her essays and all and it was nothing I could have ever done. So I totally get that make sense.

Thor Challgren 38:41
Well, Todd, thank you so much for being on the show today. I'm going to put all of your contact info in the show notes, but for people who want to reach out to you, they can go to your website, which is Class101.com/conejovalleyca, did I get that right?

Todd Mitmesser 39:07
That's perfect, Thor, thank you very much. Thank you.

Thor Challgren 39:10
My pleasure. Yeah. So we'll put that all in the show notes. So thank you so much for being on the show today. I loved having this conversation. I'm hoping that kids and families that listen to this have better insights in terms of how they can communicate better moving forward.

Todd Mitmesser 39:28
Thank you, Thor. I've enjoyed this immensely. It was great. And yeah, if anybody needs anything, just have them reach out.

Thor Challgren 39:34
Perfect. Well, thanks, Todd. So long.

Todd Mitmesser 39:37
Alright, see Thor.